• is so poor when she came to pick you up from school, she came with a skateboard.
• fat that when i was whaching tv , she walked in front of it i missed three comercials.
• so fat that when she saw two yellow school busses she said ''hold those twinkies.
• so old that jesus was in her yearbook.
• so fat when she tripped people yelled out''TIMBER!''.
• so old that the key that was used to discover electricity was the door to here apartment.
• so skinny that when she wore a fur coat she look like a pipe cleaner.
• so fat that when she fell off the bed she fell off both sides.
• so fat that her shirt was made in all 50 states.
• so fat that she put a blanket over the ocean and made it as a water bed.
• so fat that when she jumped she made a earthquake.
• she tried to drown her pet fish.
• so fat jaws choked on from eating her.
• so stupid she put a quarter in the meter and waited for a gumbal to come out.
• so stupid she waited for the the stop sign to say go.
• so stupid when she got locked in win-dixie she starved to death.
• so fat that when she got in a car it turned to a lowrider.

(http://www.humorsphere.com/yo_mama/yo_mama_jokes.htm) Yo Mama:

• she put the Boogie man outta business.
• she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt\
• when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
• when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
• she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
• minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
• they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
• when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
• yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
• she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
• she was a guard at Snake Mountain
• they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
• even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
• they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
• she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
• Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
• you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
• she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
• we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
• I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
• her shadow gave up.
• people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
• her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
• when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
• hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
• instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
• they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
• she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
• when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
• even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
• when she was born the Doc smacked her face

(http://www.humorsphere.com/yo_mama/yo_mama_jokes.htm) Yo (anything):

• Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
• Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs shit themselves.
• Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics
• Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.
• Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
• Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.
• Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
• Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!
• Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.
• You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
• Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.
• Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.
• Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!
• Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
• Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...
• Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?
• Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...
• Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.
• Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.
• You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
• Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.
• Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.
• Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
• Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
• Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...
• Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???
• Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
• Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3
• Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.
• Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair
• Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...
• Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!

http://www.humorsphere.com/yo_mama/yo_mama.htm Yo Mama so stupid:

•  told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
• she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
• she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
• she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
• it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
• when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
• she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
• she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
• she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
• she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
• she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
• she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
• she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
• I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
• it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
• she invented a silent car alarm.
• that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
• she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
• she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
• she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
• she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
• she lost her shadow.
• she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
• she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
• she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
• she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
• when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'